Restless

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Before high school, life usually had a nice even pace.  There was a balance of responsibilities and pleasures daily interspersed to color my world with healthy shades of rest and activity.  I was able to draw, play games, watch TV and go outdoors with family and friends, and to do chores and homework besides.  Somewhere around ninth grade, life’s events began to compound.  Without even realizing it, as I got more involved with school, athletics and work, the pace snowballed into the interesting but endless “rat race” of life.   I have been running ever since.

Still, sometimes I wonder if God has something better for me, something I am so out of touch with that I don’t even realize it anymore.  Like a special place of rest with Him that is so elusive I can’t put my finger on it.  Since I know self-care in the midst of a busy life is important, I try to obey when the quiet beckons me and every now and again I catch a glimpse of it, other than at night when my head gratefully hits the pillow. I find it in a quiet time with the Lord, or in my children’s laughter at bedtime, or on a special date with my husband, when we are just letting of stress together.  Recently I caught a five-minute glimpse of it on a mountain in Tennessee.  Another time it was after a jog, when I was panting from the exercise, but because of the stress-relief, finally and fully able to take in the view of the beautiful ocean God had provided as a backdrop to life in that moment.

In these times, I didn’t care what the world thought of me.  I didn’t have a feeling of guilt over chores or a to-do or volunteer project list to do.  I didn’t worry over whether I would get any writing done.  I didn’t know whether I had emails or Facebook messages that were unattended.  Because my husband was helping me, I also didn’t have to teach, reprimand, encourage or chase around our young daughters or our toddler son.

To put it simply, I just “was.”  Something in these quiet moments was good, was even healing, and I am thankful to God for these moments, elusive as they are.  I think God wants me to look for these moments and to take them when they authentically present themselves.  God, when asked His name, said, “I AM.”   I think sometimes we just need to rest in that, in the knowing that above anything we ever try to do or be or accomplish, that because God “IS”, we can just “be” and that is enough.

Although God certainly commends and blesses those who work hard, like the Proverbs 31 woman who is bustling before the day begins and still awake eat night serving the family, He also calls to the tired and weary in Matthew 28.  It isn’t one or another, friends.  It’s knowing when work is blessed and when rest time is needed.

If I am honest with myself, besides all of the things I have to do each day, I usually do some unnecessary hustling and bustling for myself and my own desires, simply because my personality doesn’t want to let go of something or other.

Today my desire is for His perfect plans for my life, and not to do one thing, not even one, that He does not beckon me towards.  Join me in releasing your own agenda and desires to His.  Join me in letting Him lead you to a place of quiet rest in Him.  It’s not easy to find, but when you take some deep breaths, stop to pray and listen to Him, sometimes you will gratefully find, that in this moment all He wants for you is to rest in Him.

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